You’ve probably done this too: It’s 1 a.m. and as you’re standing in front of the mirror, the only light being the warm glow of a lavender candle, you decide that it’s time to stop being ugly. You promise that tomorrow you will start taking care of yourself and fix everything that needs fixing. But then you wake up the next day, look in the mirror and think, ‘Oh my God! I look horrible!’.
I know I know don't cry please!
First of all, I am very sorry to hear that you feel this way. If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone! Today, however, I will explain why focusing solely on your appearance is the fastest way to relapse into low self-esteem, and how to avoid that.
I will hold your hand as I say this: if your self-esteem is based only on your appearance, your world will shatter if you step into a poorly lit room, your skin breaks out unexpectedly, or someone says something mean about how you look. Your confidence will always be at the mercy of things you can’t control most of the time.
The key to strengthening your inner goddess is understanding that your internal dialogue throughout the day plays a vital role in developing powerful self-esteem. Therefore, your true divine presence is built brick by brick by changing the way you think about yourself.
It demands that you decide actively to stop treating your body like a mistake that has to be fixed. It demands that you separate your self-worth from validation and get to know yourself well enough to realise that you act like a goddess, not just look like one!
You know, it’s not just about repeating to yourself in the mirror that you’re pretty, magnetic or attractive. I really appreciate the power of the words, and I do repeat affirmations myself. But words can lose their weight when they’re not backed up by actions and emotions that confirm them. For example, you constantly call yourself pretty yet reject compliments to avoid looking arrogant, and while you claim you want to look after your body, you focus on fixing tiny flaws instead of celebrating your wins.
Feeling good about yourself and becoming the woman of your dreams doesn’t have to be difficult, but it has to be earned. Going to the gym, doing skincare, eating healthily and ‘rebranding yourself’ are all powerful tools that can help you to reconfirm your self-respect. However, if you do these things in a desperate attempt to ‘fix’ something you think is wrong with you, it will only damage your self-esteem further and you will continue to secretly hate yourself. We don’t want that!
From now on, treat your mind as a sacred place to live. Your body is your home, and you are safe inside it. Be grateful that you can afford skincare products and a gym membership, or at least that you can exercise to improve your health and slow down the ageing signs (not just physically). Be grateful that when you walk into a room with confidence, you bring not just good looks, but also grace, attention, creativity and intelligence.
When you start thinking of yourself with love, your reflection in the mirror will love you back.
I know that sometimes, when we are about to go to sleep, our mind can get filled with all sorts of thoughts. So, if you can, when you close your eyes tonight, imagine that when you open them again, you will have changed into someone new and different. Don’t let yourself get up again as the same old version who doesn’t radiate a loving and grateful energy from within.
With love, Thaís.
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